"How fast did you run?"

I recently had a two hour long run. As I was chit-chatting with people later that weekend, the run came up.

I mentioned it had gone very well and been thoroughly enjoyable.

Two replies stuck out to me.

PERSON 1, an occasional runner: "What did you like about it?"

PERSON 2, a long-term runner: "How fast did you run?"

Ok... it was a regular training progression run. What possible valuable information would my pace give you?

I cannot be the only one who interprets some of these questions as "I want to see if you're faster or slower than me".

On the other hand, PERSON 1 created connection through their question. I mentioned the perfect weather and the impressive amount of butterflies around. The conversation took off from there. At the end, I walked away thinking this person was absolutely awesome and I couldn't wait to see them again.

This isn't an isolated incident.

PERSON: "You ran a marathon? A full marathon?"

ME: "Yes"

PERSON: "A full marathon? Hmm... How long did it take you?"

Ok, thanks for the disbelief bro. Shall I pull up the activity on Garmin to prove my time?

I try to steer these convos in a more productive direction, but truthfully, I don't actually care what they think. I know who I am. I know how I run. I love it and am happy with whatever shape running takes for me.

However, I have seen first hand how these questions dissuade other people, especially women and beginners, from running.

I have seen their faces fall when asked about their pace or weekly mileage or gear tech or other made-up benchmark the supposed Running Standards Authority decided mattered.

I truly believe that most of us want to create inclusive running communities. We want to share something we love with others.

And we also need to be aware that our words and preconceptions can create barriers for other people.

"Have you run a marathon?"

This question assumes that marathon experience is the gold standard of running. It implies that shorter distances or different types of running are somehow less valid. 🙄

It also ignores the fact that many people have zero interest in running marathons, and that's completely fine. Running 5Ks, 10Ks, or just running for fun and never knowing the distance are all equally legitimate.

What to ask instead:

• "What's your favourite thing about running?"

• "Where do you like to run?"

• "Do you listen to anything while you run?" (But let's not get judgey on the answer 😜)

"What's your pace?"

This question reduces the infinitely rich experience of running to a single metric. It ignores the fact that pace varies wildly based on terrain, weather, how you're feeling, and what type of run you're doing.

It also creates unnecessary comparison. Someone's easy pace might be someone else's race pace. That's perfectly normal.

And some people don't give a damn about pace.

What to ask instead:

• "Do you have a favourite post-run ritual?"

• "How did the conditions feel out there?"

• "Did you see anything interesting?"

"What race are you training for?"

This question assumes that everyone who runs is working toward a specific race or goal. It suggests that running just for the sake of running isn't enough.

Many people run because they enjoy it, because it helps their mental health, or because it's part of their routine. They don't need a race to validate their running.

Some people love racing, some people don't care.

What to ask instead:

• "What does running give you that nothing else does?"

• "What got you started with running?"

• "What do you think about when running?"

"What's your weekly mileage?"

This question assumes that more miles equals better running. It ignores the fact that people have different capacities, goals, and life circumstances.

What to ask instead:

• "How has running changed for you over the years?"

• "Do you usually run alone or with others?"

• "What's your favourite running blog?"

Why these questions matter

They:

• Create hierarchies. They suggest that some runners are more legitimate than others

• Discourage beginners. They make new runners feel like they don't measure up

• Ignore diversity. They assume everyone has the same goals, abilities, and circumstances

• Focus on comparison. They turn running into a competition rather than a personal journey

Connect, don't categorize

Runners shouldn't feel like they need to prove themselves to other runners. The best running communities are the ones where everyone feels welcome, regardless of their pace, distance, or experience level.

Ask questions that build connection. If you start vibing with someone and you're both into it, then sure, ask about their pace or weekly mileage. But start with questions that show genuine interest in experience, not just stats.